Pregnancy: Old Wives’ Tales Edition


Soon we will discover whether the baby beluga is a boy beluga or a girl beluga. I have no idea what the beluga will reveal itself to be and I have strong ideas that it’s a stubborn baby and will hide its parts. Jesse thinks the beluga is a boy (of course) and my sister/friends all think the beluga is a girl. My dreams have had featured both a big and a girl, while my friend Tessa had a dream we had a girl. Lots of thoughts out there…but what do the old ladies of yore say? (I’m using this list, the image is from a very funny book called Pregnancy Sucks.)

Old Wives’ Tale #1 – Linea Nigra
No line here: INCONCLUSIVE

Old Wives’ Tale #2 – Carrying High or Low?
What does this even mean? I’m carrying a baby in my uterus…I guess it’s high? They should include pictures with these things.

Old Wives’ Tale #3 – The Draino Thingo
Just no. Why would ANYONE do this? Who just has Draino around so they can mix it with their pee?!

Old Wives’ Tale #4 – Is Your Skin Dry or Soft?
Umm…definitely dry.

Old Wives’ Tale #5 – What’s Baby’s Heart rate?
The faster the heart rate, the more likely it’s a girl. Our baby’s heart rate has been between 155-160 at our last two appointments.

Old Wives’ Tale #6 – Your Flowing Locks
I’m not sure my hair will ever be thin, but it has become dull & dry. Oh! How I wish I could say it’s gorgeous and glossy.

Old Wives’ Tale #7 – Where Are You Carrying Extra Weight?
This is a horrible thing to ask a pregnant woman to judge. Honestly, I’m gaining weight everywhere. I feel like an already giant cow being fattened for slaughter. So where do I see most of the weight? Everywhere, but mainly the front.

Old Wives’ Tale #8 – Numbers…
Now I’m supposed to do MATH?! Let’s see…I was 30 when the beluga was conceived and the magic happened in February. 32 (and I so remember that numbers ending in 2 are even)…that means:

Old Wives’ Tale #9 – Sweet, Salty or Sour?
I’m not really having cravings. I like milk and OJ, but both make me a little queasy. I definitely like sweet fruits over anything sour (never drinking grapefruit juice again). Not all that interested in anything too sweet though. Yeah…this one is INCONCLUSIVE.

Old Wives’ Tale #10 – Wedding Ring Test
I tried this over the weekend with my family and since most of them think it’s a girl they could have made the results whatever they wanted. And I think we had the circle=girl thing wrong. When I tried it this morning on my own, it went back and forth which apparently means boy…so this is INCONCLUSIVE as far as I’m concerned.

Old Wives’ Tale #11 – Got Morning Sickness?
I’ve experienced some morning sickness, nothing crazy though. But according to this site any morning sickness means GIRL.

Old Wives’ Tale #12 – How About Those Cold Feet?
It’s too hot in Arizona to have cold feet, but it’s something I’ve always had. Are they warmer than usual…actually, yes. (But it’s only if they’re the same that it’s a girl and if they’re colder it’s a boy, so I have no idea what it means that they’re warmer than normal.)

Old Wives’ Tale #13 – How Do You Look?
Another question a pregnant woman shouldn’t have to answer. You know how I look?! FAT. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl, they’re both going to make me look fat for the next 21 weeks (and maybe longer). But do I think I look better than before? No.
GIRL because they like to steal Mom’s beauty.

Old Wives’ Tale #14 – The Breast Test!
They’re both ginormous compared to pre-preggers standards (also does anyone have boobs that are even?). I’d say the left is leading though. (I’ve seen other lists that say the opposite of this one though.)

Old Wives’ Tale #15 – North or South?
Umm…does this mean which direction I was sleeping around time of conception or when the baby was growing genitalia? Currently I sleep with my head to the West, before to the North…so umm…why are North and South the only options?

Old Wives’ Tale #16 – Pimples, Schimiples…
Oh, yes. I have them.

Old Wives’ Tale #17 – Are You A Lefty or a Righty?
Despite the fact that it’s recommended I sleep on my left side, my right side is so much more comfortable.

Old Wives’ Tale #18 – Check Out Your Wee!
Should I be looking at a certain time of day to determine color? I mean, urine tends to vary in color throughout the day. Sometimes it’s bright, sometimes almost clear. Does this mean twins?

Old Wives’ Tale #19 -What Does Your Belly Look Like?
What kind of watermelon are we talking about? I’m big all over, so there’s definitely no basketball here.

Old Wives’ Tale #20 – Hairy Legs?
Is my leg hair growing faster…why did anyone ever put leg hair growth and baby gender together? How do the two correlate?! Mine’s pretty normal. Maybe even slower.

Bonus Round:
According to the Chinese Lunar Pregnancy Calendar the beluga is a GIRL.

There’s one that says if your age and conception year are both even/odd, it’s a girl. Well, mine are: GIRL.

GIRL: 13
BOY: 1

Guess we’ll see what science says soon!

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